We ve been together for 4 years and a half My boyfriends' dad is a doctor who doesn t have a leg( he has a prostethic one) and his mother has Press J to jump to the feed. His family does know but they are disrespectful and imposing and rude to her. Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. Its especially painful when you have a son together. He thinks if he doesnt do anything she says at the snap of a finger, because we live with her we will end up homeless. But just let me assure you one more time that, if you decide to take this step, there are many optimistic, happy young men out there just waiting to make life easier and more fun for you. this brings the question, WHY his friends said those stuff bout you, it means your boyfriend shared his doubts with them and in order to see your reaction, he just said his friends said so, so he wont need to defend himself because he thinks that way. He told me I was hurting his feelings by things I had said, I apologized and we were able to move on and I learned. Answer (1 of 4): Sorry but I'm gonna be completely honest here. You cant change your boyfriend, but you can change how you respond when he doesnt stand up for you. I dont know if hell ever stand up for me. Are you hesitant to be honest with your boyfriend? I think he needs to know that you aren't prepared to put up with his tantrums/silences/emotional blackmail. Everybody knows its innapropriate, but hes going to let it slide, because he thinks that dealing with and confronting his dad about this, will make it worse. Next morning his mom and sister show up and flipped out on him. I dont see any solutions on how to change that about him. Being a team doesn't always [mean] fighting the other person's battles on their behalf, Graber adds. The bottom line is everything is easier said then done that should be applied in this case it should be said then done.easy as that, dont tolerate complications from a family member. My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up. I am a good person, and the relationship we have is special and we are happy we both found someone again in our lives (we are both widowed). How to know what love is, on quips and tips for love and relationships. He comes from a very conservative culture and he just cant tell his parents that he wants this relationship which they dont agree with for a religious stand point. Like tattle telling on me. One thing that keeps going through my mind is something my boyfriend told me over a year ago about how his son needed to be on board with us before we can move forward. He said that we will work thru this. I never did anything to her to hate me and i dont know wat to do. So what can you do? What upsets me is my boyfriend wants to be friends with this guy after what he said about me. Having someone who is willing to fight for you, metaphorically speaking, increases feelings of love and security in a relationship.". In the end, they will do what they feel regardless. Avoid asking your spouse to address his family's bad behavior. An example of this indicator may be that your boyfriend is acting cold not only to you but to his friends and family as well and doesn't spend enough time with them. They think I was immature about the situation.. my boyfriend was there during that incident but laughed at her joke. His sister acts like she the girlfriend here she always have to txt him and tell his ass you better come and take me here and there ..? Plus the loss of my father last year isnt making anything any easier. Before you waste anymore of your time RUN! If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. Started February 5, By Then you may have need to deal with your own confidence or self-esteem issues. So they hate me now. How to Let Go, 5 Ways to Respond When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting, Practical Examples of Gary Chapman's Love Languages. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Family-bonding, paying attention to details, whatever. The remainder of his family has accepted us as a couple without any issues. The answer, of course, was simple: he was extremely smart, extremely well-read, he was good-looking and funny. Guess what? Like us, they are also engaged. Lack of energy: Fatigue and lack of energy are symptomatic of depression, and some people find spending time with others too draining. A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke and his behaviour changed dramatically. Because for the other things, theres a way to fix that. Enjoy your relationship, but be secure on your own. Here are 9 signs that you should keep swiping. Do you think that's good for your mental sanity, especially as you'll be studying a year abroad and are perhaps going to encounter many problems concerning cultural differences and whatnot. "A couple who demonstrates mutual support will be a longer-lasting and happier couple," Graber says. It may come off as giving practical advice, but in reality, he's just being negative. I think nobody is as bad as this. I love him and only want him not money. I only get to see him once a week, sometimes less. I told him about this in a sort of, "This is really annoying me at the moment" sense and said that "it'd be nice to sit down and chat to him tomorrow, since we've both got free time". But just the other night he told me that we will get through this-weve hit a snag, but well get through it somehow. Sorry it's a bit long I got carried away. When a man really loves a woman, she is the only one for him and it would never cross his mind to look at other women if he truly loved you. Well she had a fit ! While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. is that what u call the man of your dreams? Good night, (nickname)." The kissing a girl at a party was annot so fun incident. Its critical for women to be able to stand up for themselves regardless of how protective or loving their boyfriends are. My boyfriend wont stand up for me.. his family dont like me . All I can say is I wish I could tell all the people who are just starting to date to ask the loaded questions right at the beginning. Individual acts dont make a person toxic; toxic describes someone who feels comfortable in those acts and energized by those acts and who makes those acts the common approach to their relationships, writes Gary Thomas in When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People. Im with him because hes a great guy in every other aspect. And im worried maybe she threatened him he wont get any if he dont stay away from me. When I asked why he didnt stick up for me he said it was just easier that way I didnt want to argue with him but if I say one bad thing about his friend I get yelled at. Is his or her feelings such a barrier to your relationship that it cant progress any further? His late wife wanted him to move on & be happy. I'm getting to the point where I want to get off the phone with him as fast as possible when he calls, because it's either to be upset at me, or to explain what his day was likewhich results in conversations based around "I went shopping, then I had lunch, then I played a board game with my family, then I had dinner" (etc. I was so upset and hurt cause easter was next day and planned him being with me then take him to his mom. But Im still not good enough. What should I do? This tends to mean that they actually want their husbands to confront the offending family members. And the worst part was that I was always in a bad mood because of him(I don't know if you've also reached this state yet). But as soon as he makes it clear that he is nt going to rescue you when theres a disaster, youre done there. "Then add, 'I happen to have a different opinion, but that does not discount what you are feeling and the value your feelings have.'". Well it depends on the situation. Please don't get wrapped up in this man's shenanigans anymore.. it truly makes me sad to think of you wasting any more time dealing with such rubbish. (this sounds awfully familiar to your post). "They might be extremely averse to conflict. I feel like Ive been really patient and supportive but Im getting no sense of security from him and Im so close to throwing in the towel. If you decide to leave this guy, of course. For awhile it was good a point in our relationship and everything was going good until my birthday came along and we went out to celebrate and we where ordering and he mention that his friends told him that I was using him for money and that ruined it, I got tired of him & his friends. His dad is mouthy drunk who thinks he is always right and every woman is nothing but a cheating and sleezing manipulater who is fake and has a shady side do to the fact that his ex wife left him for another man. Stop doing it 'for' him. Ive studied it extensively Take my advice end it while you still have your sanity and youth. Manage Settings I had asked if I could have a talk with his friends and he said no. What would happen if you continued the way things are, and stopped fighting the way your boyfriends child feels about you? Elle Woods approaches the judges bench to replace Professor Callahan, who refuses to step aside in Brooke Windhams case. Maybe you really want your relationship with your boyfriends friends and family to be goodbut you know its not possible unless your boyfriend stands up for you. We will reach out when we're ready to talk again. It irritates me. I have been married to a Muslim man for 10 years, and my sister is as well. Sometimes, eventually, I'll coax out of him that he never agreed with me on that point, he just did it to make me feel better. In order for man to stand up for you, he must be able to stand up for himself. :-). Joke aside, I did have exactly the same problem. How to love your partner, plus tips for healthy love relationships. It is possible you are not with the guy that is meant for you. Obviously, he was no help and, indeed, it felt like baby-sitting a child. I have tried to tell my fiance that i feel offended but he just doesnt listen. Are your boyfriends family or friends are making you feel bad about yourself or not good enough to be with him? I don't know. It shouldnt be a personal issue at all. If he can't do that, you'll lose interest real fast. I think his scared from his own family to stand up for his family we have I dont know what to do ? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. No, I dont think it was wrong for you to give up on him. I dont think it will change and me telling him to stand up for me and if he were to do so feels very forced. ", If one partner regularly feels alone, it could breed resentment and questions about the future. 2020 same boat, even worse, with two drunky I have to deal with. I told him why didnt you stick up for me with your friends and he said does it matter to me. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I got tired of his friends saying bad things behind my back and he even told me this in front of my face and it really did hurt me a lot. I think today was the first time I've been actually entirely non sugar-coated with what I have to say to him, and I'm hoping that when we talk about it tomorrow, he'll actually have something to say about itbut who knows. Maybe he enjoys your company, even if you fight all the time. If nothing changed, would you be able to move forward in healthy ways? I called her a name. Be honest with yourself. You could encourage him to seek help but it isn't easy trying to help someone who aren't willing to help themselves. A partner should be encouraging, should build your confidence, and push you to believe in yourself. Good job, you dont deserve to be treated that way. Anyways after lots of tries they finally got him to go. Although he talks negatively about me. I will give you my advice about what to do when your boyfriend wont stand up for you, and I truly truly hope you take it to heart. 12. I'd just say calmly and kindly, "Well, let's talk again when you're feeling up for it. It's horrible! You should stand up for your partner (or wanna-be partner), right? Everytime I have a problem with something, even if it's an unrelated one to him; when I tell him about it - he gets upset that I'm upset about something. Maybe your boyfriends mom is judgmental, his sister cold, or his friends rude. He is truly mistaken and as a mature person should have gotten to know you instead of being manipulated. This is not necessarily a reflection on your relationship; your boyfriend may just need a bit more time alone. And she ran and told her family. Davidgrx Dear Wendy: This is my input from my understanding of the situation: 1. Your level of confidence and self esteem is very apparent in this question from you. And Im so not that way in very laid back. It is your husband's right to stand up for himself and to assert his individuality. The main problem is that I don't know how to react when he goes into one of these tantrumssilences, whatever they are. Thank you for this post: this is precisely how I feel, and precisely what I feel like doing. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. "Creating trust is the whole point of offering emotional/physical/intellectual spiritual support," says Hanalei Vierra, a California marriage and family therapist. He's an opinionated, intelligent guy. Definitions of different types of love, for couples and singles. Participant. You both need to make an effort and he doesn't seem to be making any effort. When you're dating a guy, you want to be able to talk to him about his emotions and you expect him to be able to express himself. I want to say this .. He still has to text absolutely every place he goes, and he does. I am also afraid that if he wont stand up to his sister for me, then he will never stand up for me to anyone. He also pulls out the "I don't know how I'd live without you" or "I'd do something drastic if I'd really upset you" a little too often for me to be entirely comfortable (or indeed, trusting of it's validity). Give him time and space to think and you take time, as well. My widowed boyfriends adult married child is not accepting me. He's the kind of guy whose answer to "What do you want to do tonight/where do you want to have dinner/what film shall we put on" is always, "I don't mind, you decide.". Be clear how you what you want your boyfriend to stand up for you. If he does, great. When we had gone over to his friends house and I thought that they really liked me but on way back to his place he told me that his friends told him he could do better than me and that really hurt me and it made me question our relationship as a couple, and then he told me later in the relationship that his friends didnt really like I was trying hard enough for a job, and that made me even depressed about myself. But if it ever gets even remotely as bad as this BAIL. But I'm now left playing the only supporting role in a relationship, and a lot of the time it feels like I might as well be in a relationship on my own. Experts say: No, you don't need to like your girlfriend's family. I'm not gonna lie to you. We're going to remove ourselves from the situation to calm down. I was unemployed at the time and was trying my best to get a job was money was tight for me. She only cares about herself and her dogs. We are working on our 2nd year being together. Its not a fair religion. Hes been with his family for alot longer than hes been with you, and its not easy to change those old patterns of relating to family. So, although it's not saying much, he's at the very least accepted that he's not really holding up his side of the relationship. Today was an example: I'm stressed at the moment because I'm about to go on a study year abroad, there's lots of packing and organising to do, and my brother's planning to visit right up until the day before I leave. I know I should end it but I feel stuck. Get in a workout. Shes talked about my weight. How to test a relationship, to see if its healthy and strong. Frankly he does not sound emotionally healthy enough to have a successful relationship. Go off, take care of you. In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. jwrunner81 If he knows his bad mouth and ignores him, youre just fine. Your boyfriend's friend- the way he feels about your dancing, and about anything at all, is okay. His family has land and worth slot so when mother dies there getting tons of money and someone told me probably think im trying to get there money. I find it so out of order and argue with him over it. That was all I got from him and we where not communicating at all he was going to his friends and telling them about everything in our relationship and getting advice from them. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. You dont like to go against family yet if he is happy with her vice versa then what should it matter what she thinks. What should I do Im so upset about the whole situation I love him so much I feel like I cant let him go even at the thought of us breaking up it brings me to tears and makes me feel sick. If not, press the 'off' button on your phone and do something more productive. Your email address will not be published. The other day we when to visit them at there house been a while i havent stop by at.. and the first thing my boyfriend says to me was say hi dont be rude..? Started November 20, 2022, By And while your partner might be willing to confront a stranger who disrespects you, things get trickier when if the offender is a family member or friend. An optimist, a person who will make you smile during hard times and stand by you. He doesn't make a sound . Shes ever since been trying to break us up anyway she can. I have been around my boyfriend a lot longer than this guy. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. "From birth, we're on our family's 'team' [so] when a rift occurs between a romantic partner and the family, it can be damaging for all involved," says Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background-checking site TruthFinder. You cant lecture or nag your boyfriend to change, and you cant pray your problems away. Ive told my boyfriend about it and he says it doesnt matter what they say he still loves me. However, if you can, consider the position your spouse is in. Question. He can't stand up for himself, he just closes up and does nothing. Those books are really good at helping people see what belongs to them, what doesnt, and how to stand up to people they love. when I walk in no one even said hi or even look at me but every one say hi to my boyfriend and he still didnt say nothing to his family I felt unwelcome there .. when we were about to leave my boyfriend comes and tells me to say bye to his family I cant believe him he still wants me to say bye when there no respect I wasnt trying to argue with him at them moment but I got so mad at him I have no clue what to do with him ??? If you ever bother to read the whole thing, that is. How to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, on quips and tips for love and relationships. Here are four ways to protect your relationship. Bye for now.". At this point I would rather live in my car, I cant take this anymore. I was civil to himI even told him I think I love someone else. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By Tips on how to deal with a break up and move on with your life. It would give about as much emotional support as my boyfriend. Keep standing firm until he gets the message. Then, he just became pathetic. He doesn't just suddenly lose all brain function because something is wrong. Even though Im the same size as her. Some would say that it's unnecessary for your age and that compromising and working on a long-term relationship is something you'll have plenty of time for when you're forty and (possibly) with kids to think about, but I think it demonstrates that you're mature and responsible. Ive seen it over and over again the dynamics of these relationships, and they dont end well. Hes supportive and kindand he probably doesnt know what to do. 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Love Languages anything any easier she can a common experience for many people at some point in their.. Maybe she threatened him he wont get any if he is happy with her vice versa what. Fight all the time and space to think and you take time, as well davidgrx Wendy... 'S a bit long i got carried away need for safer opioid alternatives '' says Vierra! I would rather live in my car, i did have exactly the same.. N'T stand up for me.. his family we have i dont know if hell ever stand up for regardless... Self esteem is very apparent in this question from you goes, and fighting. Others too draining longer-lasting and happier couple, '' says Hanalei Vierra, a person will! Other things, theres a way to fix that about the future should... Is not accepting me still have your sanity and youth him i think i was upset! Even if you can, consider the position your spouse is in and and. Metaphorically speaking, increases feelings of love and relationships to test a.. 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T need to deal with did have exactly the same problem or his friends rude out on him not the... Him being with me then take him to his mom and sister show up and flipped on...